My Top Recommendations for Parents After a New Diagnosis of Autism and/or ADHD in Their Child
A girl holds a coin above the slot in a money box. She is looking at the coin with a neutral expression.
Receiving an autism or ADHD diagnosis for your child can bring a mix of emotions – perhaps a sense of clarity or relief in finally understanding certain behaviours, along with concerns about what lies ahead. I want to reassure you that this is the beginning of an empowering journey. This diagnosis can be a key to understanding your child’s unique gifts and needs, opening doors to a deeper connection and celebration of who they truly are.
I’ve been on both sides of this experience: as a parent, hearing words like
diagnosis
deficits
difficult
unusual behaviours
disorder
in a feedback session. We were handed a list of recommendations that included further assessments and a comprehensive intervention program. This is the culture we live in – professionals are trained in the medical model of disability, and the current diagnostic dictionary (the DSM-5) still classifies ADHD, Autism, and Intellectual Disability as Neurodevelopmental Disorders. Is a diagnosis a bad thing? I don’t think there’s a simple yes or no answer. But, it’s crucial to be aware that diagnostic labels can lead to lowered expectations and the notion that certain behaviours need to be “fixed.” I left that session with a pounding headache, and my husband looked shell-shocked. He later admitted that his mind raced with questions about the future: Would this diagnosis mean a life of challenges for our child? Would he be able to follow any career path he chose, live independently, or find meaningful relationships?
I’ve also been on the other side, as a psychologist trained in neuropsychological evaluations of autism, ADHD, and intellectual capacity. The experience we had as parents led me to a very different approach in feedback sessions with families. I began including children in feedback sessions wherever possible and encouraged parents to stay curious about their child’s perspective and individual differences. Instead of sending families away feeling shocked or overwhelmed, I wanted them to feel empowered by this new understanding, equipped with a roadmap of tools and resources to support them.
If your experience with diagnosis resembled mine, I want to share some ideas to support you and your child.
1. Educate Yourself – Start with Reliable, Neurodiversity-Affirming Sources
Learning about autism or ADHD can feel overwhelming, but taking it one step at a time helps. Begin with resources that affirm neurodiversity and highlight how children think and experience the world differently rather than solely focusing on “disability.” Reliable sources by autistic authors and advocates of whole brain, connected parenting can offer insights that not only inform but inspire., such as:
Start Here: a guide for parents of autistic kids by Autistic Self Advocacy Network, published 2021
How Do I Tell My Autistic Child About Autism? by Quirky.Stimmy.Cool, May 25, 2020. Retrieved 14 Nov 2024 from https://neuroclastic.com/how-do-i-tell-my-autistic-child-about-autism/
ADHD Experts Podcast - on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
What is ADHD by Amazing Things Project on YouTube, accessed on 14 Nov 2024 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1t9UHQgtDfU
Why Autism is a Difference, not a Deficit by Amazing Things Project on YouTube, accessed on 14 Nov 2024 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=We2fJz866NU
Communication First on Facebook, accessed on 14 Nov 2024 from https://www.facebook.com/Communication1st/
Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, published 2005
The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel, published 2011
The more you learn, the more confidently you’ll be able to advocate for and embrace your child’s unique path.
2. Find Your Support Network
Much of what’s shared online about parenting neurodivergent children focuses on the challenges and stress, but practical support that truly empowers parents can be harder to find. Equally, the stress that children may feel navigating an often unfriendly world isn’t discussed enough. Too often, recommendations focus only on surface behaviours rather than on the core needs of the child and family.
Healing, acceptance, and support happen through relationships. Many parents find comfort and strength by connecting with other families who understand the joys and challenges of raising a neurodivergent child. Whether it’s through local meet-ups or online groups, a supportive community can offer shared insights and encouragement. Surround yourself with people who celebrate neurodiversity and honour each child’s timeline and unique way of thriving.
3. Prioritise Communication and Connection with Your Child
Getting to know your child’s unique world can be one of the most rewarding parts of this journey. Every child has their own way of expressing themselves and connecting, whether they use words or not. Spend time observing what lights them up, tuning in with all your senses, and support them in activities they love. True connection goes beyond words; it’s about meeting them exactly where they are.
4. Focus on Their Strengths, and Reframe the Challenges
Getting to know your child’s unique world can be one of the most rewarding parts of this journey. Every child has their own way of expressing themselves and connecting, whether they use words or not. Spend time observing what lights them up, tuning in with all your senses, and support them in activities they love. True connection goes beyond words; it’s about meeting them exactly where they are.
5. Build a Team of Neurodiversity-Affirming Professionals
Create a support team of affirming professionals – from teachers to therapists – committed to supporting your child with compassion, security and a sense of safety. The best healthcare and educational teams work alongside you to appreciate your child’s individuality and understand the context of behaviours and traits. Remember, your insights are vital, and your voice is essential in creating a supportive space for your child to flourish and be seen for who they are. Also, if getting professional help is out of the question due to your personal or financial circumstances, be reassured that you and your loved ones can make a huge difference for your child when your equipped with the right knowledge and tools (I recommend starting with the ones I’ve listed in 1. above).
6. Self-Care for Parents
As a parent, it’s easy to focus all your energy on supporting your child, but caring for yourself is just as important. By nurturing your own well-being, you’ll gain more resilience, peace and balance. Reach out for support, whether through personal counselling, friendships, or simply moments for yourself, and know that prioritising your health helps you stay present and energised as you walk alongside your child on this journey.
This journey is one of discovery – about your child, about yourself, and about the beautiful, diverse ways people connect and thrive. Trust in your instincts, find joy in small milestones, and know that each step you take affirms your child’s unique path. Embrace this opportunity to celebrate your child’s strengths, to grow together, and to create a family life where every voice, every difference, is valued and celebrated.
Do you need a plan following your child’s diagnosis?
I can help you with parent coaching or help you map a path in this new chapter of your family’s life.